The All-Weather Gardener

One cold late-autumn day recently, I stayed inside to do the wife-task of ironing collared shirts for my husband, which I actually enjoy, sometimes. I like to put on music and make it a kind of meditative time; one of the few times that I allow myself to slow down and be reflective while still in my house full of kids & chores.
 
The pile has over a dozen shirts that I have saved up (and ignored) until I must do this task. I heat up the iron, turn on the music and let the Lord start to iron out the wrinkles in my heart.

I draw my curtains back so that I can look out onto the Shade Path while I work...

The song on loop is one of my new favorites, Matt Maher's song Garden because it is quiet - which I need while my two girls rest and my baby sleeps. It is also peaceful and reminds me of the Lord's presence with me...

And you walk with me

You never leave

You're making my heart a garden

As I start to relax, I begin to let down from my long day.  Being the mother of three small children can be exhausting!  I give and give, and try to give some more though part of me howls in resentment.  I am worn from their needs and requests, but also from the battle within - with my own selfishness.

I am faced in this quiet moment with my shortcomings... all that I do not do... and all that I do, that I hate.





And I look out at that cold, almost frozen garden...

Everything green is dying down. What's left looks broken, brown, shabby...
on its way into the dormant season...
the cold, frozen, dead-looking season...

 ...Like my heart

looks and feels.

Our Shade Path is very near to the sidewalk and the road; our home situated on a fairly busy street.  Many, many times in this fall planting season I have been out gardening in the cold afternoon, sometimes in the rain with water dripping down my hood, sometimes with fingers mostly frozen.

And they pass me by.

The cars driving home from work... the kids walking home from school.  And I feel the weight of curious, incredulous eyes as they see me out there in that nasty weather. I think to myself, "They must think I am crazy."

And what am I doing?  I am perfecting my garden.
That brown mess.   Beloved mess.  I am out there because I love it!
I love admiring what is there, even in this harsh season.


I am tweaking the beauty that will exist next year... moving seedlings... planting hundreds of bulbs.
The beauty is hidden, dormant; it cannot be seen by normal vision right now.

Only through faith can I see it already full of flowers... new growth... new color combinations... new heights of beauty. 

And you walk with me

You never leave

You're making my heart a garden

...the chorus sings on and I am suddenly struck: I am a garden!

I am brown and broken, yet loved by my Gardener. 

He tends me in the most caring way,

looking happily at the new growth here and shuffling more bulbs there...  

and He is making my heart beautiful.

Like me, He is an all-weather gardener... enjoying me right where I am, and patiently working into me the beauty that is to come.

Do you know what it is to be loved, even when you are unlovable?

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~Romans 5:8

~~~

A video worth watching for its amazing BBC botanical time-lapse footage, 

as well as to hear Matt's song, Garden.  

All you'll ever need...

For the wives, mommies and gardeners who know that they are not enough in themselves...
and need to remember again that it is ok.

"All You'll Ever Need" by Andrew Peterson

(Hear it here.)

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow's oil:
it's enough to pay the price to set you free.
It can fill up every jar and every heart that ever beat.
When it's all you have it's all you'll ever need.

The blood of Jesus,
it is like the leper's river running humble
with a power you cannot see.
Seven times go under,
let the water wash you clean.
Only go down to the Jordan and believe.
Only go down in the Jordan and believe.

And I need it, I need it.
The closer that I grow,
the more I come to know how much I need it.
The blood of Jesus it is like Elijah's fire,
falling on the altar of your faith.
All the wisdom of the world could never conjure up a spark,
But no power of Hell could ever quench this flame.
No power of Hell could ever touch this flame.

And I need it, I need it.
The closer that I grow,
the more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus.

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow's oil:
when it's all you have it's all you'll ever need.
It is all you'll ever need.

~~~

Today this is especially for
Sarah, humble and persevering mother to five;

Jen, courageous mommy to three (one being a baby cancer survivor);

and Emily as she flies her way to Africa today to bring home two more.

Don't hold your life... all is grace

A song of redemption by Eric Peters that has been soaking in this week during my times of weakness...
We had the opportunity to hear Eric live this past week, since he made the long trip to PA.  We really enjoyed hearing all of his music... a real poet struggling and seeing grace in the everyday moments of life.


You may also view it on Vimeo: Don't Hold Your Breath.
Or buy Eric Peters music at the Rabbit Room, a creative community dedicated to telling the story of resurrection & redemption in the world through art.

Don't hold your breath
don't hold your life
even though I let you down
even though you know me now

Don't blink an eye
you'll be surprised
I got caught up in the storm
I got so caught up in me

Everything you've ever wanted, I could not be

It's been a long time since I've kept my word
a long time since the flooded earth
draw near when the waters rise
We're learning how to be alive

I've been knocked down
I've been made a wreck
And everthing that my fingers touch,
turns into an awful mess

And everything you have provided
is an endless sea
Everything the world demands of me
is fear and loathing

It's been a long time since I've kept my word
a long time since the flooded earth
draw near when the waters rise
We're learning how to be alive

It's been a long time

(This is my best try at getting the lyrics down for you all to follow.  Apologies to Eric if I fumbled something.)



A Holy Experience: May 18th

A Song...

for the most important seed that ever fell into the earth...
that is still producing a greater harvest than any the world has ever known.

Matt Maher's song Christ is Risen

Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. ~ John 12:23-24

The All-Weather Gardener

   As I have braved the cold, wet and windy climate this week to spend some time in my garden, I was reminded of an article that I wrote in early winter last year.  Parts of my garden are now looking nice and green already, and parts are still holding on to the hope of renewal... and that is what I am holding on to today for my own heart.

re-post from Dec 2010:
One cold late-autumn day, I stay inside to do the wife-task of ironing collared shirts for my husband... which I actually enjoy, sometimes, when I can put on music and make it a kind of meditative, worship time... one of the few times that I allow myself to slow down and be reflective while still in my house full of chores.

The pile has over a dozen shirts that I have saved up (or maybe ignored) until I must do this task.
     I heat up the iron, turn on the music and  
          let the Lord start to iron out the wrinkles in my heart...

I draw my curtains back so that I can look out onto the Shade Path while I work...

   The song on loop is one of my new favorites, Matt Maher's "Garden"... it is quiet (which I need while my two toddlers and one baby sleep), peaceful, and reminds me of the Lord's presence with me...

And you walk with me

You never leave

You're making my heart a garden

  As I start to relax, I begin to let down from my long day.  Being the mother of three small children can be exhausting!  I give and give, and try to give more though my flesh is howling in resentment.  I am worn from their needs and requests, but also from the battle with my own selfishness.

I am faced in this quiet moment with my sinfulness... the mess that is my life... all that I do not do...
     and all that I do, that I hate...

And I look out at that cold, almost frosted garden...

Everything green is dying down...
   what's left looks  
     broken, brown, shabby...
     on its way into the dormant season...
     the cold, frozen, dead-looking season...

                                  ...Like my heart
                                                    looks and feels.



   Our Shade Path is very near to the sidewalk and the road, and our home is situated on a fairly busy street headed into the downtown area.  Many, many times in this fall planting season
I have been out gardening in the cold afternoon... sometimes in the rain with water dripping down my hood... sometimes with fingers mostly frozen.   

And they pass me by.

The cars... the kids walking home from school.  And I feel the weight of curious,  
                    unbelieving eyes as they see me out there in that nasty weather.
                                                                               I think to myself, "They must think I am crazy."

  And what am I doing?  I am perfecting my garden.
That brown mess.   Beloved mess.  Truly, I am out there because I love it!
I love admiring what is there, even in this harsh season.


  I am tweaking the beauty that will exist next year... moving seedlings... planting hundreds of bulbs...
The beauty is hidden, dormant... cannot be seen by normal vision right now.

Only through eyes of faith can I see it already full of flowers... 

new growth... new color combinations... new heights of beauty. 

And you walk with me

You never leave

You're making my heart a garden

...the chorus sings on and I am suddenly struck: I am a garden!

I am brown and broken, yet loved by my Gardener. 

He tends me in the most caring way...

looking happily at the new growth here and shuffling more bulbs there...  

and He is making my heart beautiful.

Like me, He is an all-weather gardener...
     enjoying me right where I am,
          and patiently working into me the beauty that is to come. 

more small things...

"Not all of us can do great things.
                         But we can do small things with great love." 
                                                                                                     Mother Theresa

Other writings and things that have blessed me this week:
Study in Brown
Holly Gerth
The Christmas Story

my favorite christmas song this year...

...is Winter Snow by Audrey Assad

It is pretty, peaceful and reminds me of how the Lord met Elijah when he was weary and afraid:

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
   Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind.
After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.
After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire.
And after the fire came a still small voice.
When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.                                                                                  ~1 Kings 19:11-13

And how Jesus, came to us, who are weary and afraid still:

The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”                                                       ~Luke 2:10-12

May this encourage us to remember who He is
                                   
                                                 and to be still and afraid no more...

reminder of who I want to be...

Quote from Tonia @ Study in Brown:

"What I really want to be is... a tiny yellow flower hidden in a vast deep wood; a precious ointment shimmering in an alabaster box, poured out on the feet of Christ in love. "

Yellow trout lily, Erythronium americanum. It blooms in the woodland in mid-spring.

Photo Credit to Colin Purrington.

Tonia reminds me what I want to be: something small, hidden, unnamed except by my Creator.  A nameless, faceless worshiper. Flowering and spent for Jesus.

"A woman in that town who lived a sinful life 

learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, 

so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 

As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, 

she began to wet his feet with her tears. 

Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them."   

~Luke 7:37-38

  

To "blog" or not to "blog"

This is a new beginning for me... one that I have wondered at for a while... wondered if I had "what it takes"... or even the desire... to write and put myself out for all to see... is it even worthwhile?  Would anyone care?

And in wondering this and gaining momentum and then promptly dismissing it, today I was confronted with thoughts and vision from ann about what it means to write and attempt to speak into the void of the internet... and that it usually is more of a step of faith to speak into the void that is in us first.

I still do not know... am still tentative.

But maybe I will try... even just a little.

But not anymore today...